I feel like a green apple

This is what one of my facebook friends posted as his status a couple of days ago. What did he mean? Was he feeling sweet and tart? I asked him if it was uncomfortable to feel like a green apple. His facebook status got me thinking of the duality that I feel every day. It’s been about 5 months, 26 days, 10 hours, and 48 minutes since I had a good night sleep (not that i’m counting). Lior, my son, just doesn’t sleep. I have thought of every possible reason for it. I’ve made up excuses and I’ve looked for reasonable justifications. Nothing seems to fit quite right.

We’ve seen a homeopath, we’ve talked to psychologists, psychiatrists, and pediatricians. We’ve even gone as far as following some superstitious rituals from the olden days in venezuela: “make sure he wares his pajamas inside out, place a bucket of water under his bed, and take him to a priest/rabi as soon as possible”. Still, he doesn’t sleep. Where’s the duality? Why am I feeling like a green apple?

Here it goes: the love I feel for my child is unquestionable. So is the compassion I feel for him for facing this problem. Yet I can’t help but feel, at the same time, a wave of anger and an incredible amount of impatience towards him. And it’s these two states of mind that drive me insane. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know how to stop it. I’m exhausted. and yes, I would say that feeling like a green apple is quite uncomfortable

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