Reality check

So our son finally started school. he is going to a new school this year. One with a great reputation and with an amazing academic program. Mind you he is only 3 years old, and eventhough academics are important, the truth is that our priority at the moment is that he is well taken care of.

Last year was the first time we ever left him with someone other than us (husband and i). It was a difficult decision made easy by the fact that my older sister was a teacher at the school he was attending. he adapted nicely, and we were all very happy. nevertheless, our plan all along, was to switch him to a different school for the following school year. Once we were all nice and comfortable with the idea of being away from each other for most of the day. Our research began, and we found the perfect school.

September 8th came around, and school started. this is where the reality check came. for some reason, unknown to me at the time, I wasn’t comfortable leaving him there. Something didn’t seem quite right. The campus is beautiful, the facilities are brand new (this is a new branch that the school opened), the teachers are lovely, and yet i couldn’t rid myself of that constant urge to vomit from nerves that i felt each morning during the first few days of class.  It almost felt like i was punishing him by leaving him in this place that gave me no sense of security at all. It took a lot of effort to pretend each morning so that he wouldn’t feel my insecurity. He was loving it. Not one tear shed. Teachers said he was AMAZING. “so what is the problem?” I thought. I mean, I had even been discussing with my husband the possibility of pulling him out. What the hell was wrong? Why was this happening?

Chris, my better half, kept asking me questions about what I was feeling to help me understand the situation. By no means did he want to leave our son in a place that made me uncomfortable. At the same time, he trusted our original decision and couldn’t figure out what was happening.

Here’s my conclusion: I’m a freak! You see, last year, was the first time i left him in school, but in reality, I was leaving him in a place where my sister would see him at all times and the first couple of weeks of school she called almost every hour with updates. So, even though the summer seemed endless, and I had been counting the days to send him off again, I realized that I was leaving him, REALLY  for the first time in the care of total strangers. the school is perfect, the teachers are perfect, and he is very happy. The problem was me. I was going through total separation anxiety, untrusting of everyone. Unwilling to accept that others could care for him just fine. And reluctant to accept that he is quite the independent little boy.

I’m loving having the time back for work and caring for myself, husband, and home. But i miss my little coco and he is growing so much, so fast.

So our son finally started school. he is going to a new school this year. One with a great reputation and with an amazing academic program. Mind you he is only 3 years old, and eventhough academics are important, the truth is that our priority at the moment is that he is well taken care of.

Last year was the first time we ever left him with someone other than us (husband and i). It was a difficult decision made easy by the fact that my older sister was a teacher at the school he was attending. he adapted nicely, and we were all very happy. nevertheless, our plan all along, was to switch him to a different school for the following school year. Once we were all nice and comfortable with the idea of being away from each other for most of the day. Our research began, and we found the perfect school.

September 8th came around, and school started. this is where the reality check came. for some reason, unknown to me at the time, I wasn’t comfortable leaving him there. Something didn’t seem quite right. The campus is beautiful, the facilities are brand new (this is a new branch that the school opened), the teachers are lovely, and yet i couldn’t rid myself of that constant urge to vomit from nerves that i felt each morning during the first few days of class.  It almost felt like i was punishing him by leaving him in this place that gave me no sense of security at all. It took a lot of effort to pretend each morning so that he wouldn’t feel my insecurity. He was loving it. Not one tear shed. Teachers said he was AMAZING. “so what is the problem?” I thought. I mean, I had even been discussing with my husband the possibility of pulling him out. What the hell was wrong? Why was this happening?

Chris, my better half, kept asking me questions about what I was feeling to help me understand the situation. By no means did he want to leave our son in a place that made me uncomfortable. At the same time, he trusted our original decision and couldn’t figure out what was happening.

Here’s my conclusion: I’m a freak! You see, last year, was the first time i left him in school, but in reality, I was leaving him in a place where my sister would see him at all times and the first couple of weeks of school she called almost every hour with updates. So, even though the summer seemed endless, and I had been counting the days to send him off again, I realized that I was leaving him, REALLY  for the first time in the care of total strangers. the school is perfect, the teachers are perfect, and he is very happy. The problem was me. I was going through total separation anxiety, untrusting of everyone. Unwilling to accept that others could care for him just fine. And reluctant to accept that he is quite the independent little boy.

I’m loving having the time back for work and caring for myself, husband, and home. But i miss my little coco and he is growing so much, so fast.

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