A refelction

After a long hiatus from sharing the turmoils of my brain and the adventures of my life, I have a very important realization to share today. I am hopeful, that it will resonate with many and perhaps give some insight.

I am now 46 years old and own everything about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. At this point, it is what it is.

I just resumed an important conversation with a very special person. This conversation prompted me to write this. For one, I am grateful for the “writing prompt” and secondly, I am proud of what I shared in our conversation.

Starting a relationship in midlife can be tricky. We carry many scars from the past, some that we’ve healed and learned from, some that still sting. Also, many of us, haven’t resolved issues from our childhood or struggles that we face as individuals. These are all factors to consider when we try to engage with new humans that cross our paths.

Insecurity is real. All of us feel it, one way or another. Self-awareness, however, is not that common. So, when you are self-aware, that insecurity piece is not that important (you know). But, when you are not self-aware, that insecurity can translate into many other things that can ultimately fuck with your life plan.

At this point in my life I have learned that being honest is crucial (yes, should have always been the case), and that past experiences are lessons to help guide the way to the future.

Fear is real. Need for connection is real. Need for attraction is real.

I’ve learned over time that the end goal needs to be built.

Connecting at an intelectual and physical level is a great start but it’s not enough. Hoping to feel the emotional connection at an early stage is, in my opinion, dangerous. Taking the time to explore each-other’s lives and understand who one another is, is where the jam is. Will it work? Not necessarily. But, and, this is completely my stance, I don’t think there is any other way.

Maybe once my parents are no longer living I can share why I feel this way 🙂 but I am certain that time and exploration is the key. Anything 100% immediate is a 100% burn.

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